freya46

My feelings are. Conflicted, I mean.

I had a wonderful weekend. Though the pain level is slightly elevated and I am still tired, it was well worth it.

Now the conflict. I spoke to the neuro today. He doesn't feel I will be able to go back to work.
Bianca is bringing over the paperwork for me to send him to fill out for the govt. I have no idea how long this will take.

While it does mean that I will be able to manage financially (sort of), which is a good thing, I will no longer be able to support myself by my own abilities. This is very disconcerting. I don't know how I should feel about it. I'm really upset right now. I've worked since I was 12 or 13 years old. Except for the period between my pregnancy with Northbard to about a year after I returned to Mtl. Then I was on Welfare for about 4 years, but I was still doing work. I never stopped. So figure I was not working for about 3 1/2-4 years. Out of 49 years (I'm now 61).

I know it's foolish..I paid taxes for this. But it doesn't matter. All I can think of is that I'm on the dole. And no mattter how well I might eventually feel, between the fibromyalgia, degenerative spinal disease and stenosis (all in the same spot, of course), not to mention the bursitis in both hips, I am now unemployable. Because, even if I feel good, the degeneration and stenosis are not gonna go away. Nor is the fibro. The only thing that might get better is the bursitis. But after all these years with it, I'm not holding my breath.

I will come to terms with it and I will see all the advantages. But right now, it's just really bleak.

So, I have to find a pair of shorts and a T-shirt that won't run in chlorine. I can't find my bathing suit and I start aqua-therapy tomorrow. It's gonna be busy...10-11 - pool. 11:15 to 12:15 physio. 1pm -2pm OT. Since I already know I can't eat at the cafeteria there, I figure we'll find a McBarf. I can handle the filets.

Gonna go lie down now, I think.