freya46

So, tomorrow's physio was cancelled. I'm hoping to still get out of the apt, though.
Maelena (yup, originally Caldrithig's) is coming in Thursday aft. for a Gypsy Symposium and she's staying here. So that will be nice. :-) She asked me if I wanted anything from Alberta and I said I wanted Dalton. *grin*

Spoke to the Neuro today. He wants me to be careful with the physio and not to rush things. If anything causes pain, stop. Also, the nymbness and pain of my left upper thigh and hip are probably caused by another pinched nerve in the inguinal area. This is caused by my bodyweight rearranging itself downward due to my lack of movement. It's doing the same as my toe and foot, both of which seem to be improving somewhat.

He feels that it could take many months to get the discs back where they were. I'm not impressed with that. I'm not willing to accept that. I will NOT put up with that. I won't do anything to injure myself further, but I WILL get back my independence. I've been doing a little cooking but I can't wash the dishes. Don't ask what my kitchen looks like. It's interesting what I can and can't do. I can make the mess, but I can't clean it up. Things like that. Not acceptable.

And I don't know if I'm being an idiot for refusing to accept it. I can't afford to lose my job unless I'm on permanent disability. And if I don't get back there soon, I will lose it. And I won't find another one. Not at the age of 61 and bilingual in the wrong language. And with the kowledge that this is not something that willever go away permanently. Stenosis doesn't disappear on it's own and neither does a degenerative disease like osteoarthritis.

So, do I fight or learn to accept? I don't think I can just accept. But how far do I fight? At what point do I just accept that I've gone as far as I can without surgery. And, at that point, what do I do about surgery. It's not a sure cure and could make it much worse. Sigh. I guess I[ll deal with that when I get to it.

I do know that I will not be able to lift anything over 5-10lbs again. I know I will always need a cane, not just at the end of the day or on uneven ground (camping). These things I know and do accept. It's the rest that's tough. Anyway. I'll deal with it when it turns up.